Oh what a joyous experience it is to consort with fellow members during our magnificent COGS Events. Fresh air, vigorous exercise and bonhomie out on the course, with our chums, dressed in our stylish COGS gear of modish blue sweaters combined with black slacks. Nothing wrong in that.
Then back to the club house for an invigorating cold shower and a rub down with our pals before donning blazer and tie, downing a couple snifters and devouring a splendid repast provided by our hosts. What better way of spending our time?
However, we must be on our guard. Temptation is ever present. All-male company is a wonderful experience; away from the restraining influence of those gentle and lovely creatures, our wives. But the sudden warmth of the club house combined with the insidious affects of demon drink can lower our defences.
Now don't misunderstand me. The admiration of our fellow members is quite natural. Who can put their hand on their heart and say they haven't thrilled to the sight of a rampant Roy Purlan surging a full blooded drive off the first tee? Or made sheep's eyes at Dave Morgan as he brandishes that magnificent extended putter of his before sinking yet another birdie? These transient wellings from the bosom are part of life's mysterious pattern; natural enough but to be filed away secretly in one's heart.
That being said, I now have to disclose something rather shameful that has occurred within, what was, our happy little band of brothers.
The witness to this act, who must remain anonymous, was so shocked that he had much difficulty in uttering the words to describe it although I eventually got it out of him. It seems that in the somewhat dim toilets at Okehampton (what a delightful image that name conjures) the culprits were glimpsed entering a cubicle armed with a box of Kleenex and a tin of Swarfega.
My witness was unable to identify them at that stage. However, to his horror, he found himself overhearing an unspeakable act of mutual admiration taking place.
Now I might not be making myself clear so, to be sure of no misunderstanding, I am going to have to resort to blunt language. Yes, they were swanking in the toilet. And at the climax of this gross act one miscreant was heard to ejaculate, "Well we really cleaned up today Grats!" Caught in flagrante delicto, eventually It all came out and the shamed members have paid their fines. I am sure, given time, they may re-integrate into society golf.
We must remember we are all frail beings. As Churchill said of Cripps, "…there but for the grace of God goes God". To err is human; to forgive is divine.
I urge my brother COGS to find it in your hearts to take on the mantle of saintliness, forgive the sin of pride and welcome these lost sheep back into the fold. (This is a metaphore Dave).
Please replace your divots (all of you; not just Roy).
Signed
A Sprocket
(posted by Roy Purlan on behalf of A Sprocket to allow comments)
If indeed there was a deposit in existence at all then that was the appropriate place for said deposit. In conclusion if the culprits are to be believed I think I know the perpetrator as he is very fond of leaving his mark in trap number one on a Sunday morning!
To maintain fair play and verify the truth it is necessary to refute the libellous accusations of 
